A Fast Cannot Go Fast Enough!

One thing I have had a lifelong love/hate relationship with myself is my sense of spontaneity. I love that at a whim, I can easily make a decision that for some people might cause a great deal of angst over a long period of time. These include life-altering decisions such as purchasing a new car, investing large amounts of my financial portfolio into high-risk stocks, or marrying a husband.

I also hate that my whimsical way of making quick, not-necessarily-well-thought-out decisions has caused me to very much regret purchasing certain cars, watching certain investments tumble down a plunging stock market, and marry certain less-than-desirable people. Don't ask how many times I've made any of these decisions. I don't necessarily always learn from the choices I make, good or bad. Besides, these things will be discussed in future blogs, I assure you.

This tidbit of information about myself leads to my discussion for today. Which is this: I woke up this morning with no agenda other than to work on my writing projects, when the decision to start a liquid fast hit me harder than a bottle of "Hollywood Diet" upside the head. This was not just a fleeting thought, nor was there any discourse going on in my head, such as, "You've done these fasts before, dummy....you know the effect they have on your bowels," or, "Why would anyone deliberately starve themselves? Didn't you just grocery shop yesterday?" No, for me the decision pretty much formulated as I stared in the mirror just before stepping into the shower, lamenting the neglected (or ignored?) sagging flesh that has become my rear and the waving flags hanging from where my triceps should be. Apparently that image was enough to substantiate an urgency to embark on a two-day liquid fast. Or torture session. Which it really is. "Dietary manipulations" (or withholding healthy amounts of daily caloric intake) is indeed a torture technique for prisoners in some countries, along with other techniques such as waterboarding, sleep deprivation, and sexual and physical abuse. Just so you know the category in which liquid fasts belong.

So why?? Why am I choosing to deliberately go hungry, spend unnatural amounts of time in the bathroom, and live in pain for the next 48 hours (which will feel like weeks, I can assure you!)? This is not some doctor-ordered mandate I must follow to prep for major surgery or produce clear lab tests. Why am I intentionally going to flood my kidneys with liquid and deprive my guts of sustenance? Seriously, folks, I whine when I miss ONE meal! Two full days will surely render me vegetative, will it not? So WHY??

It's pretty simple, actually. First, there are the commercials. Oh, the COMMERCIALS! How they entice me with the images of out-of-shape, pudgy bodies that have been beautifully transformed in only TWO DAYS by drinking this magic juice! The amazing bodies of men and women who have experienced success using this product invade my TV screen, taunting me, convincing me that I, too, can have the body of the stars by imbibing nothing but magic juice for just the itty-bitty timeframe of 48 hours.

Second, there is my insatiable need for instant gratification. Why diet and kill myself exercising for weeks on end when a simple bottle of liquid can eliminate the need for all that in just TWO DAYS? Heck, my bottle of miracle juice tells me I can take off up to ten pounds! Ten pounds may or may not be my ultimate goal, but why not get a good chunk of it off in record time?

Now, I like to think of myself as a generally intelligent being; I really don't buy into any get-skinny-quick scheme, no matter how much it is sounding like I do. I really don't. I am pretty good at discounting crazy exercise apparatuses and fad diets. I have dieted enough in my lifetime to know that the bottom line is that it truly does take hard work, discipline, and TIME to really fight the flab and actually win. So again, why am I doing this to myself?

Because I made a decision. Now I am into it; I have to stay the course. I bought the juice; I can't let it go to waste. Furthermore, I'm bloated; it will do me good to get the extra water-weight off! And.....oh, forget it. I really think that maybe this time - THIS time, I will become skinny in two days!

The first step is honesty, right?

Now if you'll excuse me....I need to find the bathroom. Along the way I hope to find some energy because I can feel the stores depleting fast....get it? Fast? Oh boy, it's happening already. I'll write again in two days, if I have not withered into a dried remnant of miracle juice. I promise to tell you honestly if I loved or hated this choice I made today.

Wish me luck!
L

(An aside: Two days is no time at all to accomplish major weight loss when you consider you will eat again someday. However, it is an eternity when you are actually facing TWO DAYS OF NOT EATING. I wanted to leave you with that thought as you enjoy your day of food. In two days, I am sure I will laugh about this.)